On Missing Heaven

(AO3 Link)

Helltaker got really worried about Azazel sometimes.

Her blank stares, the way she would throw herself into her research for days on end, barely stopping for food or rest. It just didn’t seem healthy, even for angelical standards. As much as he guessed that angels and demons didn’t actually need either of those things the same way he did, the girls did seem peppier and less aggressive since they started to follow a human schedule.

But maybe it was not healthy for angelic standards exactly due to the nature of some of that research: Even if Azazel was cute as a button he’d always been too focused on his thing for demon girls to ever look into angel lore much, but common sense told him that maybe angel’s attitudes towards sex were opposite those of demons, and he now knew first hand just how free those were.

(Ah, demon girls really were the best.)

So he did worry that he was overwhelming her. As much as he suspected Azazel was a bit of a pervert for an angel, maybe it all was too much for her at times.

Well, to weigh the pros and cons here: She seemed to enjoy herself during their nights together and sought him out just as often as he sought her. If not more actually, always claiming more research had to be done. The notepad only stopped coming out during sex at his own request (how someone could manage to write so much while rearranging a guy’s guts or getting her own guts rearranged he’d never know) and even that didn’t spare him of the running commentary on the human cowper gland or the sensitivity of demon tails - but that he just found charming at this point - and she was definitely just as enthusiastic as the rest of his girls…

But whenever he saw her withdraw he couldn’t help wondering if she really was alright with all this.

Maybe she worried about getting corrupted or something. Maybe she was feeling somehow coerced into partaking in more than she personally would if not for the sake of her thesis, and he felt sick to his stomach at the very thought of it.

Tonight she’d ended up right beside him, her head level with his chest and Cerberus behind him taking the rest of the space in the bed the five of them were using tonight, and they almost pushed him and Azazel to the floor as they cuddled up amongst themselves while trying to stay as flush against his back as possible.

He couldn’t look behind him now or he’d surely die of cuteness again, but then he noticed his angel turn to stare at the ceiling.

This needed to be addressed, and it needed to be addressed now.

“Azazel.”

A blink and those shining blue eyes were looking up at him. “Yes mister Helltaker?”

He’d always thought the mister was a cute touch. “Are you alright there?”

She composed her expression into the happier look she normally had, but it wasn’t quite there. “Mmmhmm! Very much so! It was an interesting evening and I got some fascinating new insights on Cerberus’ synchronici-”

“No no no no no, I meant are you doing alright. You were doing it again.”

“Whatever might you mean, Mister Helltaker?”

“Staring blankly at the ceiling, like you have a lot on your mind but you’re not telling-” He’s made to pause by her owlish blinking but perseveres: “Are you thinking about your research again? Is there really no way to present it heaven-side in a way they’ll believe it? Guess the lack of global takeover by demons might come as a surprise to them.”

“Oh! Oh, no, that doesn’t bother me as much these days. My thesis and its supporting papers will get published and those who will believe me shall do so. This is not about that, or at least…”

Helltaker moved to cup her face, deciding then to just come out with it: “Have I and the girls been pushing you around too much lately?”

Azazel stares plainly at him, mouth agape. A second passes, then two, three.

“Y’know. For an angel and all.” He rushes to add, mouth set in a line, avoiding eye contact.

At that he hears her laugh, and Azazel laughs loud at times, in completely unguarded fits and snorts, only stopping herself once she feels all three of Cerberus’ bodies begin to stir simultaneously. And then Heltaker sees her expression shift into something similar - but not quite the same - to Pandemonica’s after she’s had her coffee, less smug and sharp but with just as much confidence.

“Don’t tell me you’re the kind of human that buys into the virginal angel stereotype, Mister Helltaker. Have I really not shown you how much that is. Not. The. Case~?” She had scooted up to whisper at his ear, as if he wasn’t reeling enough over how that mister had sounded everything but cute and instead a little mocking to him. “Did you really worry a handful of demons and a human could corrupt me? Heavenly discipline is not so flimsy. Even with my interests being what they are.”

“Heavenly dis-?”

She nodded, some of her cuteness back, but still with that kick of spice to it. “An angel’s outlook to all this is different than what demon girls got you used to, but… Mister Helltaker, can I say something?”

His face felt like it was on fire and he didn’t feel he could trust his voice just then, so he settled on nodding.

“I always thought you blush pretty.”

Maybe he’d look at Cerberus! Maybe death by cute sleeping dog girls induced heart attack would do him better than getting eaten alive by an angel! Demons really were fallen angels were they not! He could hear his heartbeat going far too fast and the blood rushing to his ears - and cock, to be blunt - so maybe heart failure was also a possible consequence of his favorite angel getting all domme-y on his ass and him not minding that at all!

But instead of course he just goes “I blush… pretty?” and makes no attempt to compose his expression. Like a good boy. Or something of the sort. Not that he was one or would know if he were. Sure. Of course.

“You do!” Her peppy tone was definitely back but still not quite the same when whispered at his ear as she pressed closer, her hand moving up his chest, settling over his heart. “I do have a few things I should explain to you first, and I am sorry that I’ve been worrying you, but this might work out just fine for us actually. Take my hand, and I’ll show you something I hope you’ll like.”

And without thinking twice, he does.

His shades didn’t do much against the clean, slightly hospital-like white light of Heaven, but at least Azazel is still holding his hand as his eyes adjust.

Once he managed she stood before him, now clad in far finer garb than her usual dress shirt, eyes half hidden by the brim of a military cap, and mouth set in a serious line. “These are my private chambers in Heaven mister Helltaker. Do make yourself at home.”

He looked around, it wasn’t a particularly large living place, bigger than a dorm room but not quite a proper apartment. Definitely not one of Hell’s puzzle dungeons either, and furnishings in Heaven had a diffuse silver light to them that made them look too ethereal to be real. There was a big bookshelf lining one of the corner walls and a well built sturdy desk with a laptop he assumed held the current state of her thesis. (Was she using cloud storage?) And there was a bed behind a closed folding screen (he knew Azazel, she probably didn’t bother opening it lest she trip on it when her need for rest got the best of her), spartan in its solidity and crisp folded white sheets but with the same ethereal sheen that marked everything else.

Azazel let go of his hand, beginning to circle him as if sizing him up. A quick flourish of her hand and he saw her hold out a short riding crop and couldn’t help holding himself straighter once he heard it smack against her palm.

“This- This about your… Discipline?”

She graced him with the smallest curl of her lip. “Yes it is, should you accept it.” Their height difference meant he had to look down to see her but he felt the crop tilt his head back up. “Eyes forward if you please, thank you.”

A small pause and then the sound of her steps rang out around him. Strong, decisive. He’d made the comparison to Pandemonica earlier but this was different from the sharp violence she had gotten him used to, and he had a feeling he was going to enjoy himself just as much.

“So, you have noticed my listlessness.”

“Yes. And I got worried.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I could only explain why I was like that now that I have you here. But I do think we can work something out.”

He nods, eyes still fixed forward. She turned back to him, running the tip of her riding crop slowly down his back once she got behind him, and Helltaker felt some color in his cheeks at the odd intimacy of it.

“We were both looking for demons back when we met, were we not?.”

He has to chuckle, “Yes, but… You see now my interest wasn’t academic at all though.”

She slides the riding crop further down to his mid thigh, gliding the crop between the cleft of his ass on its passage and it takes him all he has not to shift to adjust himself. “Mister Helltaker you are studying us- them, I mean. Just in your own… Affectionate way.”

The crop leaves his thigh, a few steps resound in Azazel’s room and now it was her cupping his face, but she did it like one would a statue, not pulling him to look her in the eye at all. And even though her words came so matter of fact he felt the affection behind them: “You genuinely love and care for us far more than we would assume a human with your single mindedness would, Mister Helltaker. The girls would not have stayed without killing you and we would not be having this conversation at present were that not the case.” She pauses for a beat before adding “Loving you has been a delight and a honor.” And he’s pretty sure he’s blushing again. “You should feel proud of that.”

Pulling away from him she resumes walking and he can hear her continue to smack the crop against her gloved palm before he looks down again, just to take in how serious looking Azazel was in that moment. The military cap was different, and there seemed to be more… rank, to the uniform she wore now.

And when she meets his eyes he sees a small sad frown on her face and the facade of authority crumble once she notices how he had relaxed his posture as well. She doesn’t use the crop to correct him and he only straightens back from his own volition. It takes him a bit to get why but it does make sense: He wasn’t an angel himself, he hadn’t fully agreed to this brand of discipline just yet.

Well, that meant he could still tease her a little. “Sorry, for slouching just now, sir.”

Hearing her stop and turn to face him directly felt far too good.

“I have not yet explained to you what it is you are rushing to agree to, soldier. Some patience would do you good.”

“Yes it would, sir.”

“I mean d- Do NOT be such a BRAT! You were being so good to me just now!” He stops himself from smiling and decides then to let her carry on the setup properly, but still allows himself to peek down at how adorably red she’d become before straightening his posture once more.

“Sorry, sir.” It comes automatically, but he makes it a point to look forward again afterward.

“Better!” From her tone he was pretty sure she was still pouting, but she got steadier with each word: “As I was saying, I did not get listless because I disagree with how things are done in our home, Mister Helltaker, I just missed how they’re done in mine.”

He tried not to show it outwardly for her sake, but the words “our home” had made him smile.

The steady thump of Azazel’s boots on hardwood floor as she walked gets interrupted by the unfurling of wings, and then he sees her in front of him: A Visitation in Her full valor and glory. Azazel’s wings are beautiful. A gold sheen finally joining the ascetic silver and grey he’d been seeing so far, and she’s floating off the ground high enough that their eyes meet when she then glides her riding crop lovingly across his face.

“You see, what brought us together were our studies on demon behavior, and frankly I have allowed myself to get involved more intimately than perhaps I should in my field. That is fine enough, but as we got to know each other better I found myself wanting to do this particular… fashion… of how things are done in Heaven, however with them being demons-”

“You can’t introduce that… variable?”

“Exactly that!” Her expression returning to her usual happy go lucky look again, wings fluttering in a way that’s more cartoonishly cherubic than the divine visitation angelic she seemed to have been going for. She didn’t seem to be trying to get back into character just yet regardless. “You were kinda right in worrying about my lack of chastity because I AM still expected to show reports of my travels for a while longer, and while publishing my observations I DO have to omit the full depth of my immersion lest I get cast out of Heaven myself!” She seems to catch on to his worry immediately: “And don’t you worry! I learned how to hold that balance long before you came into the picture. There is only so much enthusiasm about Demonology one can display in heavenly company you know!”

He nodded, realizing now that he hadn’t been just flattering himself by feeling he understood her “enthusiasm” on Demonology, and that his guess on her being somewhat of a pervert amongst angels had been correct.

After all, it took one to know one.

“But yes, that is the issue: While I am able to lie to my advisors, I still… miss this sort of play in a relationship such as ours, And it would be far too naive to indulge with our girls and expect my reports to still sound believable during review. I’d hoped they did it among themselves, and I could probably work around that, but they really don’t after all. Perhaps military structure like this is the exact sort of thing they immediately rejected once they got cast dow-”

“Wait, you say ‘way’ and fashion’ but - not to discuss the sex of angels - do you actually mean that all of you angels have a military kink?”

Azazel’s wings flap and wrap around her defensively, like they were trying to puff up her size: “It’s not a kink! We’re just all very… orderly… and for a lot of us it ends up translating into… sex…. And we just end up playing pretend on our actual ranks a little… and use the crops and the uniforms… or we pretend we’re back in boot camp…”

He could see her gaze going blanker and her energy draining with each word and the revelation they brought, but for once that was actually funny to him. “Az-a-zel~” He says, sing song. “So is that how an Angel’s heavenly discipline actually works?”

Face red and with her character completely broken she squats down, letting her wings hide her completely. “Yes… I mean, NO! I mean… Oh gosh Mister Helltaker you’re right, it is a kink. At least for some.”

At least for you, he spared her from hearing as he knelt down next to her, a gentle smile on his face. “I’m mostly surprised angels in heaven even have sex in the first place.” The angels in hell he’d been well informed about. Apart from all the other shenanigans and turn-based strategy games

“Well we do! Sometimes!” Helltaker can’t really hide his amusement at how he was carrying this conversation with a wing cocoon now, Azazel’s voice sounding just a little muffled. “A little hidden away, and it’s not the best if we get caught a lot, we do have things to do after all. But like I was saying the whole militaristic style and how a lot of us - and it is a lot of us, it’s not just me, honest! The way a lot of us like to do things is… Sure demons have rank as well but no one actually seems to care that Lucy is the Queen of Hell and- Propositioning it would come from me alone and show undeniable heavenly flair even if I fudged it, right? I’m making sense aren’t I?”

He pets the outer layer of feathers as reassuringly as he can, and feels Azazel’s wings unfurl just enough for him to see her face again, she’s still blushing. “Which I frankly don’t want to do beyond hiding my own involvement. So until I have the final reports of my thesis submitted and approved I feel I have to subdue myself, and it gets… Really tough sometimes.”

“But - to see if I’m catching your drift - if it’s just you and me at your place-”

She gets up and Helltaker sees her wings unfurl fully in her excitement, even if she soon recomposes herself. “Well, angels have fallen for less, but… Humans have always needed guidance haven’t they?”

“And you’ll feel better then?”

Her wings flap in her excitement. “Yes! It would help me feel better, yes!”

“Deal then.” He gives her a sly grin and puts some grit into his voice. “A human that consorts with demons does need a lot of guidance, mistress Azazel, are you sure you’re up to the task?”

The riding crop lifts his chin back up before he even finishes talking. “I’m sure I’ll manage just fine, Helltaker. Do be careful with that mouth of yours now though.”

It was always fun to see this kind of change, specially in his girls. “Oh but I’m sure you can put it to better use.”

Azazel pulls the crop away, spinning, throwing and nonchalantly catching it midair before giving him a quick smack on his inner thigh as she replies: “Sure I can.”

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